Genre by Genre #1

Grunge

Music of pain,

guitar, dums, bass, singing

slow verses, strong choruses

OK, this is the first genre which I want to write about. The greates reason for that could be, that grunge has touched me so weird way. I don't mean not from deep, but I mean the way. It's about angst and drugs, and some of you could call it creepy. I can't.

Grunge is the only one of all punk styles, which really has some connection to me. As myself. Maybe that's why I can't be afraid of those scary and cruel things, which have always been part of this music style. It's full of emotion, it's not only wanting of anarchy of stopping police state. It has real feelings, but most of it is pain. Or hurt. It's not one-sided, it's varied in many ways. I know people who hate grunge, I know people who dress up like "grunge" style, I know people how just are too positive to listen to grunge. But, really, teenagegirls with broken jeans and too big shirts can be ridiculous without the right feeling.

I started to listen grunge about one and half years ago first time. It ended quick, but I found it again last summer, and now I'm not gonna give it up. I've listened Alice in Chains, Foo fighters etc. but my favorite will always be Nirvana. First it was hard to understand how much pain someone could stand. Not physical, I mean mental. Kurt was married, his wife was bregnant but still he felt he's alone, broken and misunderstood. He felt, that people around him wanted only hurt or do something bad to him. He felt, that he couldn't be that Kurt Cobain who his fans thought he was. He thought, that he had screwed up all his shows, and he doesn't deserve that respection he got. He used heroin, he tried to kill himself many times, his friend found him crying backstage after shows, how bad person he is. He told that he can't trust to people, and even love felt wrong. He was only 27 years old when he killed himslef.

I've never been scared of drugs or people who use them. I think it was wrong to let Kurt be, and just watch him dying slowly. Everybody knew, what's gonna happen, he used heroin and he was badly despressed!

I understand Kurt sometimes better than I'd like to. It's not same than I would say "I understand Hitler", even people easily thinks like that. Many think it's dangers to "play with drugs" or try to understand a person who kill himslef. And I know that many people can't, but I somehow can.

Kurt didn't mean anything bad. He wasn't evil person. He was just broken and used, and close to brunout. I've been years depressed (not badly) myself, and little by little getting over from it. I've never tried to kill myself, or drunk booze. Never. I don't smoke, I've never tried any drug. On bad angst days drugs could be great idea, but I've never tried to get them from anywhere. 

I didn't listen to Nirvana for months for a while. I don't know why, but I needed kind a break. I watched the movie "Stuart's life Backwards" when it came from TV. Stuart killed himself in the end, and that made me cry. Stuart reminded me of Kurt, again after three months. Sometimes it's mentally painful to listen to Nirvana, but I wouldn't ever change it to be something else.

I got addiction. And I hate it and I love it at same time. But it worths that much to me, that wouldn't ever give it away. It's part of me. It's one side of me. For understanding me, you need to listen ot Nirvana. As hard as it feels like. It's the reality of pain. 

One of my favorites, shows that Nevermind includes many better songs than "Smells like teenspirit". 

Other good song from Nevermind. Has been my favorite for all my Nirvana-time, and for those who say that there's no idea in words, there the idea usually is. But for understanding, you have to be as "mad" as Kurt. "I killed you, I'm not gonna crack."

Video's style makes me think of Monty Python, which is one of the best comedies ever. I love it, but what I wouldn't love? Suicide forces from Brian's life, "Always look on the bright side of death... "

This story was more emotional than about musical history, but I'll hope you got the point.

It locks you once, it'll never let you go. Music is a way to tell, but also, it's a way to explain.